My Friends and I are not in a Cult!

We’re Normal Friends

Payton Burdette



is the scavenger of our group.
She breaks into homes and stores
finding Klondike Bars for dinner
and Klonopin for dessert.

Adam found her last year when she was dumpster
diving for food,
and she was the first friend Adam ever had.

She also collects bodies throughout the week in preparation for Saturday.


is in love with his gun,
always letting Adam know he’s
willing to shoot anything or anyone
that gets in his way or
within 1,000 feet of him.

Once when he was on cocaine
he frantically shot his grandson.

He’s helping Adam write what will globally be known as, The Book of Friends.


accidentally joined our friend group.
He certainly didn’t mean to
join the friend group and he constantly
tells us that.



Payton Burdette

Therapy disguised as comedy. I'm kinda funny on my Youtube Channel: Payton Burdette